About Lulu Smith
Lulu Smith – lawyer, writer, borderline crazy cat lady. You won’t believe what happened next…
The Agents of Chaos
About Shawn
Shawn has resting grump face and is the ring leader of finding trouble. He has “tasted the rainbow”— eaten a half-foot of rainbow string — to the tune of a $1,000 vet bill. And he would do it again. His favorite day of the week is new milk ring day – there must be an elaborate production made of removing it from the bottle and throwing it. Of course I comply. We do not speak of how many milk rings litter the floor.
Shawn can usually be found napping on the highest shelf in the closet or hiding if there is company. He has been studiously doing the math on how to make it onto the ceiling fan. After two years, he finally found the loft — he’s very handsome —and can’t get down from it on his own. Of course, he only goes up there during the witching hours and then whines loudly and persistently until I come rescue him. Is in a will-they-won’t-they relationship with Jules – but more of the “kill each other” type if in the same room together. Unlike the show, they are sadly not OTP.
About Gus
Gus is ever present and ever yelling – unless he is hidden and trapped somewhere, and then he suddenly becomes as mute as a mime. He has been yelling at me since the first moment I saw him in the shelter. He won the award for Most Dramatic Yell/Yowl while entering the door of the vet’s office for a regular check-up, resulting in all the vets and staff in the back preparing for a trauma-level event. It is noted on his permanent record.
He can usually be found on my lap, napping or yelling at me because I’m working and he is not on my lap, napping. When napping, I am not allowed to move, sneeze, receive an incoming text alert, use DuoLingo, or make any other movement or noise that may disturb his slumber. In the event of an emergency, he can be found – nowhere – no, you do not see him under the comforter. Mind your business. If anyone else in the house is having fun and playing with a toy, he will show up to put a stop to it. When he’s not yelling, he is a lovebug. He is king of giving soft eyes. Prior to her passing, he was deeply obsessed with ZuZu (he and Shawn both were), but it was not appreciated or reciprocated. He is now obsessed with Jules who is equally uninterested in his bullshit. He desperately wants to ask them if they “have heard about Pluto? That’s messed up.”
About McNab
Namesake: Officer McNab on Psych, who was a sweet, innocent, baby angel of a man.
In July 2024, McNab started sneaking up on my front porch as a tiny, sweet, skittish abandoned kitten looking for food. He would run off if I even made eye contact with him through the window. Two months later, he was inside, acting as if he ran the place. Spent weeks doggedly determined to become friends with Shawn and Gus, whether they wanted to or not. They finally relented. He has repaid them by eating all of their wet food. He eats everyone’s food – he could be eating your food right now.
Has absolutely zero chill when the red dot comes out. Single-handedly destroyed the rope hanging off the 25-year-old cat tree that had survived seven other cats. At least a dozen times a day, he fucks around – nipping at Shawn and Gus trying to get them to play – and then immediately finds out. Has also been known to nip at my calves, elbows, and butt cheeks when I have the audacity to sleep in too late or am too slow getting the wet food can open. Can usually be found wherever the boys are – getting ready to fuck around.
About Jules
In May of 2024, claimed this house as part of her territory while ruling the neighborhood and demanded to be fed. Enjoyed taunting the boys through the window, chasing squirrels up trees, hanging out with the deer and running into my garage every time I tried to leave or return. Once the nights got cold and rainy, accepted my offer of shelter on the screened in porch. ‘Twas a trap and she was cruelly abducted. Earned the title of “Spice Queen” by being the spiciest of patients on the day she was spayed. No one was spared her wrath.
She is not a benevolent leader – she rules with a sharp claw – from her basket throne at the top of the cat tree in the exercise room – which the boys try to breach on a daily basis. She is quite fond of the tv and her stories, surprising exactly no one – she pays particular attention when Lucifer is on. But who doesn’t love a tall, dark, British bad boy with a heart?
Has a long and ever growing list of enemies, including, but not limited to: Shawn, Gus, McNab, the snowman in the picture (it knows what it did), the air fryer, humidifier, printer, Alexa, the George Foreman Grill, and me when I have the audacity to kiss her toes and sing a song about it, among the other atrocities I commit. Has been known to secretly make biscuits and snuggle on the electric blanket with me.
